Psychic Distance

Ep. 2X07- Dear Pretend Co-Comic Collaborator

2009-04-17T17:05:00.005-04:00

http://www.dearpretendgirlfriend.wordpress.com

Ep. 2X06 - No Shayne, No Gain.

2009-03-18T18:58:00.001-04:00

Polls also indicate that TJ should be replaced with a small golden howler monkey.

Ep. 2X05 - You're my density. Oh, ... I mean my desti - Oh, I'm sorry, were we done with Back to the Future references?

2009-01-20T22:14:00.001-05:00

Critics will suggest that Psychic Distance used 5 episodes to explain why the main characters are wearing new clothes because of their inability to plan ahead. The creators of Psychic Distance offer this explanation: Eff you.

Ep. 2X04 - I slipped, fell, hit my head on the toilet, and when I came to, I thought of this! The inside joke! The thing that makes comics possible!

2009-01-05T13:09:00.004-05:00

EVERYONE'S DEAD!!

Ep. 2X03 - When this comic hits 88 Back to the Future references, you're gonna see some serious shit!

2008-12-24T01:29:00.001-05:00

And when in Star Trek they traveled back in time to save the whales, all they did was slingshot around the sun, right? How come they never used that tactic to, say, save Spock from getting killed? Or to stop the Klingon War in the first place? If I were Captain Kirk, I'd be going back in time to find my freakin' hairbrush, if it's so god-damned easy! Though you can't tell from our comic, it's actually very, very hard.

Ep. 2X02 - Panels!? Where We're Going, We Don't Need Panels!

2008-12-12T16:21:00.002-05:00

When Superman circled the Earth at light speed in order to reverse time to save Lois Lane, why was California not subsequently destroyed? Originally, Superman had to choose between saving California from destruction at the hands of Lex Luthor or rescue Lois Lane. He saved California, but then, via his nonsensical time travel technique, reverted time in order to save Lois. But he reversed all of time, so California should remain in peril! It's not like there was an alternate Superman saving California while original Superman was saving our intrepid reporter. And even if there was an alternate Superman, that alternate Superman would, upon completing his mission to save California, reverse all of time again creating an infinite time loop that Earth would never get out of - society would never advance past the '80s! OR alternate Superman could have come to the conclusion somehow that there was no reason to reverse time since Lois was saved by "original Superman", and this would break the time travel cycle - but also create a paradox - one in which original Superman never reverts time in the first place!
Our comic plans to be less confusing than this.

Previously on Psychic Distance:

2008-12-10T14:46:00.003-05:00

Psychic Distance returns Friday with the second episode of its NEW SEASON.

PSYCHIC DISTANCE!
SEASON 2!
MORE TONY, MORE TJ. (Psychic Distance does not guarantee the amount of TJ or Tony provided by any comic.)

Meanwhile, Psychic Distance is offering everyone a chance to catch up on the wacky antics of TJ and Tony during Season 1! Presenting: Previously on Season 1 of Psychic Distance! Do you have too much going on in your important life to catch up on 42 episodes worth of comics? Are you a close personal friend of Tony or TJ and you feel you have an obligation to keep up with the comic even though you don't find it very amusing? WELL, NO PROBLEM, the authors are providing you with a quick and dirty guide to the first season of Psychic Distance:

Ep. 2X01 - Psychic Distance to the Future.

2008-11-18T14:27:00.005-05:00

Next time on Psychic Distance: The deep, disturbing truth about Tony's hand dexterity is revealed. Is Tony truly left-handed? Or does he maintain some skills exclusive to his right hand? WHICH HAND DOES HE EAT WITH? Stay tuned for all this and more in Season 2 of Psychic Distance!

(Also, thanks to everyone for supporting the comic, we're proud to be able to provide the Internets with our lolz. YOU'RE WELCOME, INTERNETS.)

Ep. 1X42 - Google Chicken: The First to Hit the Back Button Loses.

2008-11-12T12:53:00.003-05:00

Technically, Tony and TJ are not playing Google Chicken. They are playing a google version of the Hawk—Dove game, a game where players fight in a strategic method of escalated fighting until one player withdraws or backs down. You may more commonly know this game as the "Let's-say-penis-and-get-louder-each-time-we-say-it-until-
someone-is-too-embarrassed-to-say-it-any-louder" Game.

Commercial Break: PSA

2008-11-03T10:28:00.002-05:00

Ep. 1X41 - Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T19:07:00.001-04:00

You celebrate YOUR favorite zombie story, and I'll celebrate mine.

Ep. 1X40 - The N-Word

2008-10-27T15:55:00.003-04:00

And now a word from our sponsor:

Ep. 1X39 - Ironically, I don't remember that movie Memento.

2008-10-20T16:03:00.002-04:00

"PPS: Heads up: You're gay. Do you remember that? I've always wondered if it works that way."

Ep. 1X38 - TJ Dietderich Discusses the Issues

2008-09-30T15:08:00.002-04:00

AND YOUR DIRTY, HAIRY MAN-PAW IS ALL UP IN THE FRAME. JESUS!

Ep. 1X37 - Tony Fucks Up ... Again

2008-09-10T15:03:00.005-04:00

TJ's Project 365

Tony's Project 364

Ep. 1X36 - Tony Fucks Up

2008-08-21T15:43:00.002-04:00

Psychic Distance Tagline circa November - October 2007:
Psychic Distanse. We don't make misteaks.

Ep. 1X35 - Hitler Was an OK Dude Until He Got Lost Without G-maps on His Cell

2008-08-15T15:35:00.002-04:00

TJ: Oh hey, Gran-Gran! Long time no speak! How have you been? How's Grandpa? Oh, and how was that cruise you just got back from?

Gran-Gran: Yeah, sweetie, I'm gonna need to hear less pointless drivel and more about the FUCKING BEST ROUTE TO GET TO CRACKER BARREL. Oh, and if you could also click the "avoid major highways" option I'd sure appreciate it, dear.

Ep. 1X34 - Not-So-Superpower

2008-08-04T21:14:00.003-04:00

Let's form a league of crime-fighters with the kid who can only telekinetically turn off alarm clocks and the girl who can make just shaving cream appear from thin air!

Ep. 1X33 - I Want To Believe This Movie Won't Flop

2008-07-21T23:20:00.001-04:00

There's no such thing as resurrection, Mulder.

Ep. 1X32 - Wahhhhh-E

2008-07-14T19:49:00.003-04:00

TJ: Hey, I was just gonna call you, what's going on?
Tony: Not much, saw Wall-E today.
TJ: Oh yeah, I saw that last week! God, I hated that movie. And this guy in the front row was noticeably sobbing. Awkward. It wasn't Schindler's List; grow some balls, dude.
Tony: You were on the line, weren't you? God, I hate you.
TJ: Yeah? Well, I hate your Donald Sutherland references. Do you honestly expect me to keep abreast of 1970s science fiction?

Ep. 1X31- The Fanboy Who Loved Me

2008-07-01T17:26:00.003-04:00

Weekend Timeline:

1. Tony can't decide whether to watch Goldfinger or Casino Royale.
2. Tony compromises and watches both at the same time.
3. Tony shops for new pants.

Ep. 1X30 - Do NOT Hang This Comic in Your Cubicle. Ass.

2008-06-19T11:32:00.003-04:00

"Oh, hey, Bob. Could you not hang that comic on THAT wall? That's my clean wall. I like to keep all my "fun" stuff over here on the left. See? It's a picture of a kitten looking sad, and it says "is it Friday yet?" You know what I'm saying? Even in the natural world, Bob. Even kittens, you know? So yeah, if you could put it over there, that would be great. Thanks, man. Awesome Dockers."

Ep. 1X29 - Wii Win!

2008-06-06T22:16:00.003-04:00

You won't be laughing when she serves up a sweet, cold dish...OF REVENGE.

Ep. 1X28 - A Tale of Two Thought Processes

2008-05-29T20:37:00.002-04:00

Who needs bread and milk when I'm gonna have nightly comedy clubs featuring groundbreaking new performers!?

Ep. 1X27 - Corrupted by Power ... and Photoshop.

2008-05-13T21:01:00.005-04:00

Tony (Later that day): DAMMNIT, TJ! I said that Courier New has to be ALIASED. I knew I couldn't trust her...

Ep. 1x26 - Secret Gay Master List

2008-05-07T14:05:00.003-04:00

What's the opposite of openly gay? Boarded-up gay? After 5 p.m. and federal holidays gay?

Ep. 1x25 - How To Feel Better About Oneself

2008-04-30T22:28:00.003-04:00

This comic is sadder if you imagine it happened at 10:30 a.m. on a Tuesday. Because it did.

Ep. 1X24 - in ur comic, killing ur dialogue.

2008-04-23T00:13:00.002-04:00

OH NOES, we 4got to right the epilogue!!!11one

Ep. 1X23 - Fallout

2008-04-14T13:08:00.003-04:00

< lj-cut text="Super Secret Locked Flist Post" >

I wrote a comic today. Maybe someone will read it.

;.;

< /lj-cut >

Ep. 1X22 - PD v. VG

2008-04-07T11:35:00.001-04:00

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S ANOTHER COMIC WITH THE SAME 6 PANELS OF STILL PICTURES EVERY TIME? You're next, Ryan North!!

Ep. 1X21 - Fat Tony Demands Your Laughter

2008-03-25T14:30:00.002-04:00

12 sticks of butter travel better in theory than in real life.

Ep. 1X20 - Psychic Distance Presents: 2008 Presidential Candidates

2008-03-18T11:07:00.007-04:00

Ep. 1X19 - Smoke 'Em if You Got 'Em

2008-03-10T12:02:00.003-04:00

OH MY GOD! You know what I just realized? YOU KILLED MY PIPE DREAM!

Ep. 1X18 - I've Got A Great Idea for This Title!

2008-03-03T21:02:00.004-05:00

Next week on Psychic Distance: TJ gets excited about smoking a pipe; Tony pragmatically disagrees with her. And you won't believe the punch line!

Ep. 1X17 - Addicted to Interventions

2008-02-23T17:16:00.007-05:00

Fiiiinnnne! No more Pokemon! Let's see what else do I have to play? ... oh Zelda! Collect the 3 pieces of the Tri-Force, get 50 Heart Containers, find 200 bugs, while maintaining a collection of several thousand Rupees. ... oh, this is my kind of game.

Ep. 1X16 - Please don't stop reading our comic; your shows will be just as bad as they were before the strike.

2008-02-18T10:58:00.008-05:00

C'mon, writers. You couldn't wait another year for the strike to end? We had a really funny joke saved up. It's not apropos now, and only 1% of our viewers would get it. But hey! We're gonna use it anyway:

"Wait, what do you mean, my TV is analog? NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Ep. 1X15 - The Spy Who Punned Me

2008-02-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

Tony: And Barbara Broccoli is still producing it ... it's nice to see the films stay in the family after all these years.
TJ: With Co-producers Carrie Cabbage, Cathy Carrot, and Olivia Onionring!

Ep. 1X14 - Your Results from Match.com are in!

2008-02-03T20:57:00.000-05:00

Guaranteed Disease Free (TM)!

Ep. 1X13 - Psychic Distance Presents: Cloverfield

2008-01-25T10:25:00.001-05:00

.evila llits s'tI

Ep. 1X12 - M'Comic.

2008-01-19T21:43:00.000-05:00

How would we even do drag? Photoshop on funny hats?

And TJ, next time you decide to write an entire episode based on an obscure British gag, include a link or something, will you?

Ep. 1X11 - The Proceeds from this Comic will go to Jerry's Kids.

2008-01-11T12:21:00.000-05:00

Show me a disease on an episode of House and maybe I'll care. Maybe.

Ep. 1X10 - Man Cannot Survive on The Amazing Race Alone [We Tried.]

2008-01-06T19:10:00.000-05:00

Et tu, Leno?

Ep. 1X09 - Only 8 Years Till We All Get Hoverboards!

2008-01-01T00:01:00.000-05:00

10, 9, 8 .... 3, no, wait, damn it. Don't tell me! 6?

Ep. 1X08 - Tony the Conversation Killer

2007-12-27T00:39:00.001-05:00

Who's the douchebag now, Tony?

Ep. 1X07 - This Counts as Your Christmas Present, Mom & Dad. Hope You Think I'm Funny!

2007-12-20T13:51:00.000-05:00

Happy Hanukkah, Shayne.

Ep. 1X06 - Failure Via Friends.

2007-12-16T21:04:00.000-05:00

Procrastination
By Anthony Loria
1st Period.
Ms. Williams
English

Webster's defines procrastination as "a type of avoidance behavior, where one pushes tasks back to a later time." Procrastination is not a good thing to do. Like Benjamin Franklin always said, "Why wait till tomorrow, what can be done today." Or maybe it was Einstein . . . I'll look it up later.

Ep. 1X05 - Everyone's a (Surprisingly Positive) Critic.

2007-12-08T20:28:00.000-05:00

Hey, little girl, want to get in my hybrid van and look at my peace prize? I've got free-trade organic candy.

Ep. 1X04 - This Comic is Intended for Audiences Over the Age of [Insert Your Age Here].

2007-11-29T15:47:00.001-05:00

* Tony's voice mail:
"I just don't understand, Anthony; who thinks this is funny? Is that the sort of thing you want the world to see? You know, Anderson Cooper was just talking about this 'YouTube' last night. Have you heard of the 'YouTube?' It can look you up. People just type in 'Anthony M. Loria' and just like that, all your potential employers see you and your friend cussing up a storm in your little comic. I only say this because I worry about you. I just don't want you to finish school and be unemployed because you were playing around on your computer. . . . Let me know if you're eating, OK? Call your mother back."

Ep. 1X03 - Strike That

2007-11-25T20:47:00.000-05:00

Do you want to support the writers? Well, you can by making an awesome comic illustrating the plight of the writers union . . . or alternatively, you can go to unitedhollywood.com and sign their petition.

Ep. 1X02 - Sandwich Fun Time

2007-11-21T10:24:00.001-05:00

Ep. 1X01 - Pilot

2007-11-18T14:21:00.001-05:00

It's a comic within a comic within a comic within a comic within a comic within a comic within a comic within a comic within a comic within a com . . .